This post is part of Pavarti.K.Tylers's Community Blog Hop series, August 16-19.
No man
is an Island, said
John Donne. I say: Every woman
is an island. We are the pillars around which revolves the universe and indeed
our families, friends and far-off cousins. I take my own mother as an example.
She graduated with a Masters in Physics, has a near photographic memory, and is
a wiz and balancing the household expenses. Regardless of how lean my father’s
salary was in the early days of her life first as a bride and then as a wife
and mother, she always managed to save nearly thirty percent of whatever
allowance my father gave her, after having paid for all the family expenses.
Oh! Did I mention that she also gave up a promising career in academia to move
to Bombay and become a housewife? Over the years it was she and my aunt—her sister-in-law
(my Dad’s older brother’s wife) who became the mainstays of the large extended
family. My father is one of five sisters & four brothers, and with large
families come complex family politics—as anyone from an Indian family can
testify. While my Dad and his siblings seemed to squabble over almost everything—from
where to hold the annual rites-to-the-ancestors ceremony, to who’s child was
getting better grades at school and remained consumed with envy about the one
brother among the lot who had managed to go off to Harvard on a scholarship to
study and make a different life for himself—I watched from the side-lines as my
mum and aunt—the outsiders as they always labelled themselves stayed rock-steady
through all the ups-and-downs. When financial-crises struck different arms of
the relations and thankfully receded, it was these women who put on a brave
face, kept the household going, maintain a façade of routine for us the
children, thus steering the extended kith and kin through storms. They were
islands of calm in that tumult; and as my Mum often states today—with a
confidence that comes from having weathered almost every crisis possible—that it
was thanks to these sisters-in-arms that this lineage survived, thrived and
pole-vaulted me and my cousins into a prosperous future. And yet I wonder if
they had any time to be themselves during all those years? Did they ever find
out what they really wanted in life, live their own dreams? Probably not, for there were many occasions
during my adolescent years when she turned to me and said never sacrifice your own identity for that of someone else.
Hence, as I spent the last few days trying to
look for a picture which best depicted what community meant to me, I was
stumped. Until the realisation dawned
that I am my own community, I am an island of a different kind. For what I most
want is freedom—space to be still. To be one with nature, with that life-force which
breathes in all of us. Perhaps as I watched as these brave, unsung heroines
sacrificed themselves for the greater good, somewhere something had shifted in
me. I wonder if I have made a silent promise to myself along the way that I will not become my mother.
 |
| SOFIA in the sky, with diamond sparks of joy |
So, the picture, I choose to represent my idea
of community is the one of Sofia—my friend’s ten year old daughter—as she had leaped
into the air, on the trampoline, in the joy of the first flush of youth. My
idea of the perfect community is one where men and women are equal, and
where everyone has the freedom to be themselves, or even just simply be. Is
that a tall order to ask you think?
About the Author: Laxmi Hariharan was born in India. She lived in Singapore and Hong Kong and is now based in London. She is inspired by Indian mythology. When not writing, this chai-swigging, technophile enjoys long walks in the woods and growing eye catching flowers. Her debut novel The Destiny of Shaitan is available on Amazon http://tiny.cc/szqsew. Reach Laxmi:
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About the Author: Laxmi Hariharan was born in India. She lived in Singapore and Hong Kong and is now based in London. She is inspired by Indian mythology. When not writing, this chai-swigging, technophile enjoys long walks in the woods and growing eye catching flowers. Her debut novel The Destiny of Shaitan is available on Amazon http://tiny.cc/szqsew. Reach Laxmi:
Twitter: @laxmi
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/laxmihariharan/
Website: http://www.laxmihariharan.com/
3 comments:
How lovely! I think women of our mother's generation had to give a lot of themselves and while we can look back and be grateful for what they did for us, it's not the same as having the freedom to be yourself. Thank you for ANOTHER thought-provoking post. :)
Laxmi, I really enjoyed your post! I cherish my freedom above many many other things, even my own family (I mean my parents whom I love dearly). I do understand that women lived differently even a generation ago, but luckily I do have a freedom to choose. Sometimes it complicates things, but I would not give up my choises.
What an awesome post! Thanks so much for sharing. I've thought about these things a lot in relation to my own mother, it always makes me very grateful for the many choices I have now. :)
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